What we once had being is a reflexion on times past, when my practice and life, encountered
-not only its first huge discursive and moral crisis- but also a deep feeling of alienation and strangeness in relation to my social and political spanish and european context.

It drove me to want to de-construct my own supposed identity and embrace intuitive notions and guessing about my true origins that were, in any case mixed and from quite complex backgrounds.

In a way, it was more about how difficult had became to be that, what one, was not.
An intense desire of leaving the West, but for really leaving it, from a philosophical, moral and spiritual points.

After this was done in my own hometown (Barcelona), the call was about to actually leave the geographical site and move to live in the south of Spain (Al- Andalus) Seville and in North Africa, it was so urgent that it actually happened.

I want to map out and back, notebooks, drawings, photos, and events all around those times.

As a point of visual departure I like to include the last publication (the last odd one) of my project V.O. in 1985, it was called Cerca del Mar (close to the sea) and was addressing all the issues in an intuitive way about being Mediterranean. The magazine can be studied at MACBA archive this days.

I would also start uploading a few pictures I taken last summer, on a book a got in Paris in 1994, by then I had read Fernand Braudel, who was someone really inspiring about the ideas of Mediterranean context and history.

The maps show how Islam was in Spain for very long time and supports my feelings of why I feel alienated about the CatholicSpanish that I associate to the Fascist and my Francoist, fascistic upbringing childhood and teenage-hood .

I was also travelling to Morocco with my friend, photographer and film maker Jordi Esteva on 1986 and have here a few photos he take from me and also some drawings and watercolours of our travels, that where later published at an Art and Literature magazine (L'Home invisible ) edited in Barcelona in 1988.

As always happens, our works and investigations, our ideas and preoccupations, belong to a specific times and context, and in many cases, they become artefacts that looked back at to, are deeply impregnated with those times signs.

Is only like this that I can understand now the works of that decade, also the works of later decades till the works that are produced now.

I had produced drawings, travel sketches field notes and field poems. Art and life were of no difference. I had discovered all this amazing poets also the great works by Hyperion Editorial on translating many of the poets of Al-Andalus including the great works of Teresa Garulo's translation and edition on Female Poetesses
I am absolutely conscious of the risk that this kind of works entails, specially that of seeming Orientalist ( as in Edward Said) or opportunistic. But our identity issues in the lands of what is know now as Spain run deep and very complex. Its all in relation to those problematics and with the few clues of my personal ascendency that I am able to claim arab/berevere and sephardi information and habits run deep in me and in unconscious gestures in some of my family. I am very interested in continuing this thread and bet for fusion, for the notions of those intermarriages and legacy of convivial harmony we once were able to enjoy.

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 Book on 80's study Arab poets      
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 Field notebooks from Morocco      
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 Note Book Le Jaguar 1986 Rabat     
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 one drawing of scene Tetouan1986     
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 notes for editorial project     
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 Poems Al- Andalus style     
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 Cover V.O. 4 1985 MACBA archive     
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 V.O. num 4 Jordi Esteva Egypt     
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 Jorge Esteva and friend      
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 L'Home Invisible mag 1987     
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 Self portrait at Hotel,Rabat 1986     
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 Hotel Ville de France Matisse Room      
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 at hotel Galois Rabat     
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 hotel life pic Jorge Esteva     
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 Me Assilah,Tangier1986 pic:J.Esteva     
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 Hotel in Tetouan 1896     
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 Me&Mohamed Benani's daughter Rabat     
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 Fernand Braudel Map Mediterranean     
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