In the first pic here (taken by Javier Vallhonrat in 1978 in Madrid) I am dressed as a "Flamenca". It was Javier's stylist and assistant who dressed me like this. I was hoping to get a few pictures in order to be represented as the actress I wanted to be. It was then too, when it became obvious that my face or nose was not on the lucky side of the beauty cannon. An abyss of time has gone. I wonder once more about stereotypes and identity. For Javier, and others, I was looking as a Carmen, as a Flamenca, how far this was or is not an identity beyond being or not Roma or Gypsy we can consider in contrast with the conversos, marranos, and moriscos that where left to hide in our weirdly colonised ancient lands. What it really means to be or feel flamenca?

This self awareness about knowing that we were considered as folkloric subject and tourist gaze came as cultural shock and identity crisis.

Specially in London during my short stays to learn dance in 1979-1982, where I was depreciated, looked down as a nobody, and made feel as a ghost who came from Spain.

One illustrating anecdote happen when I was trying to get El Ballet Contemporani de Barcelona (with whom I was vey close) for the Umbrella Festival second editions, I was asked to understand that The Contemporary was made and produced in UK or USA, and advised to promote only Flamenco dancers or works from Lorca, by the director of the International Dept of The Arts Council UK.

Here a bit more of the Ballet Contemporani de Barcelona: https://vimeo.com/149651416

More experiences like this in nature, had draw me to revise and back to my own "supposed different" and thus, retarded social, national or folkloric context.

By 1985, I wanted to get rid of all that to do with what I felt was a colonial supremacist western domination of my culture and an impossibility to have an horizontal conversation with anyone from the anglo-sphere or north of Europe.

Then I turn the theme of my editorial project V.O. on to a Mediterranean objective, but I was only able to produce one issue called Cerca del Mar.

I also felt how the tourist look (which are equivalent to colonialist looks of our context) that was imposed on us, by the anglo-spheric gaze, and then I was working between themes that linked me with biographic memories.

What all this English, USA's tourist gaze had to do with our reality?

Today, and since a long while, the shape of a world is engulfed by the anglo-sphere and its euro-centric based norths that totally divided the coastal sites from where some of us come from or belong to.

Those cultural sediments that perversely where made obsolete, are still part of many of basic unconscious but familiar ways in which we relate to our geographies and how memory suppressed has to do with background and history.

The Mediterranean, its geography, shape, and blue waters will become our solely guidelines, a feel of belonging on motion and exchange around all cultures that are travellers or escaping political unrest, as once where the Jews who left under the Roman Empire's destruction and colonisation of Jerusalem and its lands.

Myth in this case was an attempt once more to de-folklorice one self as part of discourses of art productions on a time those where monopolised by one voice one artist male.

Its dialectic perhaps but is timely and part of a way of trying to cope with the waves of post-modernism that came always late to Barcelona in the 80's/90's.

Simple quotidian actions, gestures, cleaning, building, dancing, cooking, selling fish etc. the duress of the Mediterranean winters. Its poverty, its nature as object of desire.

But the post-colonial imported theories of hysteric, has been subsumed to the point of this. We meed memory we need clarification more than ever.

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 me as Flamenca by J.Vallhonrat 1978     
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 me as flamenca anciana Almería 87     
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 brick layers      
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 brick layers 88     
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 constructing building 88     
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 cocinando en Almería 89     
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 studio pose demoiselle avignó 89     
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 peleas playeras sicilia 89     
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 studi gracia bcn 88/9     
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 Bathing Alberca Huebro Almeria 88     
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 amigas en Alberca 1988 Nijar     
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 amigas alberca huebro 89     
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 amigos baño alberca huebro 89     
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 ceramica intervenida de nijar 89     
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 studio bcn 1988/9     
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 dancer intense ink 88     
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 dancer intense ink 88     
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 dancer intense ink 88     
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 dancer intense ink 88     
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 dancer intense ink 88     
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 bath in night river .... poem 89     
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 bath in naples 1988 (col M. Aguero)     
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 danzas sketch 88/9 seville     
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 work construcción de la luna 93/4     
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 works for Inst Cervantes Rome 1994     
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 expo en Ignacio Varez Madrid 93     
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 pic with painting: Angela Anessi 94     
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 chicos toreros luna baños 89     
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 haciendo la luna (water based+ink)     
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 recuerdo baño barcelona 93     
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 fusión en paisaje Almería 88     
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 myth and poiesis women and bull 88      
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 women and bull ancient friends 1988     
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 me+ painting by Yan Mercader 1993